Lane Sarasohn - Sample Writings

A WEDDING

Written with Carol Hatfield
For "The Sensational Seventies," NBC
UP ON: JUDGE'S OFFICE. THE JUDGE IS VERY DIGNIFIED AND WEARING A ROBE. STANDING BEFORE HIM ARE THE BRIDE IN A BEAUTIFUL WHITE GOWN, THE GROOM IN AN ELEGANT TUX, AND THE BEST MAN LAWYER AND THE BRIDESMAID LAWYER

MUSIC: THE FIRST TWO BARS OF "HERE COMES THE BRIDE"
JUDGE
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today
to join the party of the first part to the party of
the second part in holy matrimony. Are the
contracts ready?
BEST MAN LAWYER
Yes, your honor.
JUDGE
If anyone can show why these two may not
be lawfully wed, let them speak now or
forever hold their peace.
BRIDESMAID LAWYER
Yes, Your Honor, thank you. As Bridesmaid
and attorney for the bride and on behalf of
my client, I wish to object to Article Four in
the rider to the contract.
EVERYONE LOOKS THROUGH THEIR CONTRACTS
JUDGE
Would that be "children, not less than one,
nor more than four"?
BRIDESMAID LAWYER
No, Your Honor, the next one -- Conjugal
Rights. It says, not less than three times a
week." It should be "not more than three
times a week." That's what my client, the
bride, agreed to.
JUDGE
       (SPEAKING TO THE GROOM)
Is that acceptable to you?
GROOM
       (TURNING TO BEST MAN)
What should I say?
BEST MAN LAWYER
Say okay. I just thought I could sneak it
through.
GROOM
Okay, Your Honor.
JUDGE
Fine, objection sustained.
       (SPEAKING TO GROOM)
Do you, Jack Raymond, take this woman to
be your lawfully wedded wife. To love and to
cherish, in sickness and in health, forsaking all
others, until death do you part?
GROOM
       (WHISPERS TO BEST MAN)
What does he mean by "until death do you
part"?
BEST MAN LAWYER
That's okay, it's an escape clause.
       (ADDRESSING THE JUDGE)
He does, Your Honor.
JUDGE
And do you, Karen Wintoski, take this man
to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love
and to cherish, in sickness and in health,
forsaking all others until death do you part?
BRIDE
       (TURNING TO BRIDESMAID)
Isn't this what we talked about?
BRIDESMAID LAWYER
Yes. Your Honor, my client, the bride, would
like to modify her vow, deleting the words "to
love" and "in sickness," substituting "some" for
"all" and amending the term of the contract.
Here's the amended vow.
SHE HANDS THE JUDGE A SHEET OF PAPER FROM A FOLDER
JUDGE
     (TAKING IT AND READING ALOUD)
Do you, Karen Wintoski, take this man to be
your lawfully wedded husband, to cherish in
health, fosaking some others, until two weeks
from Friday?
BRIDE
I do.
JUDGE
Jack, place the ring on Karen's hand and
repeat after me...
BEST MAN LAWYER
Excuse me, Judge, but the ring was waived in
the contract negotiations in return for the
bride getting the right side of the bed, full
health benefits, and a charge account at Saks.
JUDGE
In that case, by the power vested in me, I
now pronounce you "man and wife."
Congratulations, you may sign the contracts.
JACK AND KAREN SIGN THE CONTACTS. THE TWO LAWYERS EMBRACE

MUSIC: CLOSING CHORDS OF "WEDDING MARCH"
OUT.