LOS ANGELES TIMES, SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 1988

An Insider's Report on the Death of 'Wilton North' - Continued, Part IV

By PAUL KRASSNER

Barry's creative consultant, Matt Neuman, advised him that the general perception of The Guys was they gave the "impression of a lightweight, insignificant, trivial show."
        Things were not going well for Barry.
        Except for the videos. His field directors were bringing back mini-documentaries with a touch of soul. Wendy Apple tracked down a mercenary. Nancy Cain captured a retirement party. Maxi Cohen listened to kids describing their dreams. Jake Haselkorn went to follow the team with the worst sports record in the country - the high school basketball team in Wallace, S.C. - but on the night he filmed their game, they won, for the first time in years.
        "What went right, Coach?"
        This was the way to go then. Transform "The Wilton North Report" from a nightly magazine show into a video variety show. Get a new set. Have The Guys be veejays - do what they do best - but instead of music videos, they'll present life videos. It will have gone from being a writers' show to being a hosts' show to being a directors' show. Experimentation, that's the name of the game.
        For this new format, Barry wanted me to introduce underground videos and discuss them with The Guys. As if for practice, instead of my regular commentary on New Year's Day. I would be discussing the highlights of 1987 with The Guys. It worked out just fine.
        That was Friday. At 10 p.m. Sunday, Barry called and asked me to do a commentary in the opening segment on Monday and if that worked out, I would do it every day. What a thrill - to be opposite Carson and Koppel - an American dream! My ship had finally come in, only it happened to be the Titanic.
        On Monday, Fox executives met with the affiliate board, which recommended with one abstention that the show be canceled immediately. On Tuesday, Jamie Kellner announced it at the affiliates' convention. There was a smattering of applause. "The show was a bit too ambitious, " he explained. "We supported Barry Sand as fully as we could, and it did not work."
        The show had four more nights to go. It was sad for folks who had jobs suddenly pulled out from under them, and it was a cultural shame because such a unique opportunity had been blown. Barry had really believed that Fox would give him a year. In any case, he was now unleashing me.

        For the final show, The Guys were rehearsing a piece written by Greg Daniels and Philip Walsh.
        Phil:    "Secretary of Education William Bennett has proposed a 'perfect' curriculum for the fictitious James Madison High School. With four years of English, three each of science, math and languages, and only two semesters of physical education required, he might be on the right track, but he's neglected one important detail: the human factor. For you see, even 'a perfect' high school needs students - and teachers. Let's meet them."
        Paul:    "This is the Science Club. They believe it's all right to perform their eugenic experiments on remedials brought in from neighboring districts." He stopped and addressed the stage crew. "OK, who knows what eugenics means? Raise your hands."
        The Guys burned the manuscript and put it in their wastebasket.
        Daniels and Walsh found this out and taped the charred remains of their work to The Guys' door.
        Various writers wanted to avenge the script-burning and either punch out The Guys or confront them during the taping: "You buffoons have ruined this show!"
        Meanwhile, Nell Scovell had written a piece for The Guys. She crossed over the line and took it to them, even though Barry had rejected it several days earlier. They took it to Barry, and he decided to run with that and pull the high school piece.
        Now the writers were angry at Scovell. She went to Barry and asked him not to use her piece. Barry put the high school piece back in. The Guys refused to do it. Barry decided not to use either piece.
        In my commentary, I nominated Secretary of State George Shultz as Jerk of the Week. "The honor goes to an individual who, although he is perfectly willing to take a drug test, he refuses to take a lie-detector test. So even though we can't be sure if he's lying, at least we know he's not stoned. Or if he is stoned, he's not telling the truth about it. Frankly, I think he was tripping on something during the Iran-Contra hearings. Remember when he suddenly did his impression of Jimmy Durante: Everybody wants to get into the act. I expected the entire Senate committee to stand up and sing "Dinka Dinka Doo. . . ."
        Barry came over and talked about how Durante used to stand in a spotlight, wave goodnight, then walk to another spotlight, further away, wave goodnight again, and so on. That was how Barry had hoped to leave this show, like Durante standing in a spotlight and waving goodnight. Instead, it was more like Hal the Computer in "2001," with his memory banks being systematically depleted.
        "I'm fried," Barry said.

        That night, at a farewell staff party in the Fox garage, there was no response when the host of the late "Wilton North Report" walked in, but the cleaning lady got an ovation.
        It was she, after all, who took care of the mess every evening after we had finished constructing our electronic sandcastles.